noam's blog.a.lish

Got this in an email today and thought it was pretty funny...

When English is the second language. I particularly like the doctor's office in Rome!

IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN. Bejing, China

Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor's office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok: DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombassa, leaving Nairobi: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEÂ CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

p.s. Now try to translate using the little flags at the top and see what happens...

Sure I'm a little biased but this article has some interesting factual information regarding Israel's strongest suit, the jewish brain. Interesting, and quick, read.

Jews are a famously accomplished group. They make up 0.2 percent of the world population, but 54 percent of the world chess champions, 27 percent of the Nobel physics laureates and 31 percent of the medicine laureates.

ews make up 2 percent of the U.S. population, but 21 percent of the Ivy League student bodies, 26 percent of the Kennedy Center honorees, 37 percent of the Academy Award-winning directors, 38 percent of those on a recent Business Week list of leading philanthropists, 51 percent of the Pulitzer Prize winners for nonfiction.

In his book, “The Golden Age of Jewish Achievement,” Steven L. Pease lists some of the explanations people have given for this record of achievement. The Jewish faith encourages a belief in progress and personal accountability. It is learning-based, not rite-based.

Most Jews gave up or were forced to give up farming in the Middle Ages; their descendants have been living off of their wits ever since. They have often migrated, with a migrant’s ambition and drive. They have congregated around global crossroads and have benefited from the creative tension endemic in such places.

No single explanation can account for the record of Jewish achievement. The odd thing is that Israel has not traditionally been strongest where the Jews in the Diaspora were strongest. Instead of research and commerce, Israelis were forced to devote their energies to fighting and politics.

Israel’s technological success is the fruition of the Zionist dream. The country was not founded so stray settlers could sit among thousands of angry Palestinians in Hebron. It was founded so Jews would have a safe place to come together and create things for the world.

This shift in the Israeli identity has long-term implications. Netanyahu preaches the optimistic view: that Israel will become the Hong Kong of the Middle East, with economic benefits spilling over into the Arab world. And, in fact, there are strands of evidence to support that view in places like the West Bank and Jordan.

But it’s more likely that Israel’s economic leap forward will widen the gap between it and its neighbors. All the countries in the region talk about encouraging innovation. Some oil-rich states spend billions trying to build science centers. But places like Silicon Valley and Tel Aviv are created by a confluence of cultural forces, not money. The surrounding nations do not have the tradition of free intellectual exchange and technical creativity.

For example, between 1980 and 2000, Egyptians registered 77 patents in the U.S. Saudis registered 171. Israelis registered 7,652.

The tech boom also creates a new vulnerability. As Jeffrey Goldberg of The Atlantic has argued, these innovators are the most mobile people on earth. To destroy Israel’s economy, Iran doesn’t actually have to lob a nuclear weapon into the country. It just has to foment enough instability so the entrepreneurs decide they had better move to Palo Alto, where many of them already have contacts and homes. American Jews used to keep a foothold in Israel in case things got bad here. Now Israelis keep a foothold in the U.S.

p.s. The only thing that I don't get or agree with is the whole "bad cooks" part... wtf?

Just dropped Louis off at my friend Patrick's house. At first Louis was a little scared, then he kind of attacked Bosley and finally they came to some sort of agreement...

Louis & Bosley

p.s. I hope these two really get along...

Louis is doing much much much better, his RBC is up to 37% (he was down to 8.5%!!), he has gained weight and is up to 9.5lbs. It's just amazing to see how he fought off all the bad things that have plagued him over the passed 3 months. With a little luck and more fighting he should be medicine free shortly!

A little cat milk on his nose

I can't wait to go so these guys performing live. This is way more than dancing it's a combination of dance, martial arts, and more. Anyway you can check out their website at the LXD.

p.s. I'm working on my backward-hands-only-crab-walk...

Last week I went and I got my Beer on at a nice little place called the Lederhosen with a bunch of buddies. This place served the boot (see images below) and I gotta say those things are wicked huge... 2 litters per boot (or 4 pints per boot!!). You too can own a boot if you go to Amazon. Additionally, if you have not yet seen the movie Beerfest you should check it out.

Thus began the journey

Almost done

Who took this picture?

p.s. I really have no idea how I got home that night...

I'm a huge cat person. I truly believe the world is divided into 2 kinds of people, those who love cats, and those who suck. So if you're of the good type, you'll enjoy this.

p.s. I have a cat, his name is Louis.

If you have a choice, or if you're even considering Comcast allow me to save you some time, money, and a lot of frustration. Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT get Comcast. Allow me to elaborate (this is the abridged version of what happened, it was way longer, and much more painful than this post can ever represent).

Roughly a month ago I started a journey with this awful company to replace my current DVR which has been a pain (noisy, unreliable, you name it). I was mailed a new DVR only to find out it didn't work. The only reason I ordered it was to get a new one, that worked, and that I didn't have to treck out to Comcast's HQ to pick it up, I thought that would save me some time. When the box didn't work I had to call a technician over, which meant taking 1/2 a day off. The technician came, with the wrong equipment, and ended up leaving me the same way he found me... with a 2 defective boxes.

I got my bill last week. Only to find out that Comcast had the nerve to charge me for renting 2 boxes, and service on 2 boxes!!!! I immediately called 1-800-Comcastsucks only to wait for 45 minutes!!! until someone picked up. Comcastic service?? really?? The "kind" lady on the phone explained that if I returned the DVR I would get credited for whatever they charged me for, the only problem was that they charged me for service and rental but she kept saying (literally repeated 3-4 times) that they would refund the rental charges.

So I ended up returning the 2 DVR's today and getting a new one, the line was long, the service was horrible but I was able to get a brand new working DVR, and according to the lady who helped me she refunded my account. When I got home I rushed to check if she had actually refunded me, now that I know what to expect from Comcrap, it wasn't a surprise to find out she credited the wrong amount. No, she didn't credit too much... that's not how these guy's operate! Have you not learned anything?

The best way to get a straight answer, and a relatively fast one, from Comcast is to go online and chat to a representative. Here is an excerpt of my conversation, please notice how much this company sucks.

Me: I was told today at the Comcast location that my account had been credited but I do not see the credit online or when I call 1800Comcast.

analyst J: Mr. Wolf, as I can see on your account the credit adjustment has been applied and this will be reflected on your next statement.

Me: May I ask how my current balance is over 10$ more than my previous balance? and also, when I went online to comcast.com my next bill shows a balance of 170$ how come? analyst J: Your current balance on your online account is $175.89. Since the adjustment has been posted in the account your balance will be $154.24.

Me: i understand that part but I still don't understand how my bill is over 10$ more expensive than last months bill which was 142.70.

analyst J: Mr. Wolf, as I checked the bill the reason why the rate increase is because of the Pay Per View order which is added on the account for $4.99 dated December 21, 2008.

Me: so there's a tax on PPV movies now? of about 5$? 142.70 + 4.99 = 147.69 not 154.24. so there are still about 8$ unaccounted for. That's what i have trouble understanding.

analyst J: You have a Pay Per View order also last January 22, 2009 for the amount of $4.99.

Me: so even more to worry, you're saying that my last bill *included* a ppv movie and so does the current one so how is there over 10$ difference?

analyst J: I understand that you are confused with the bill statement. Let me help you clarify the issue. Our statement is in a month advance, Mr. Wolf. And you billing cycle starts every 2nd day of the month to the 1st day of the following month. So as of the order last December 21, 2008 pay per view will be included on the January statement. What you are seeing today in the online statement is for the bill cycle of February 2 to March 1, 2009.

Me: i have my january and feb bills infront of me the only difference is the extra charges that i was supposedly credited for today so if I understand my bills correctly the charges should be identical or in other words 142.70 moreover, when I look at next months charges, online, I see a balance of 170.90$ which makes absolutely no sense.

analyst J: What I can do for that since, I believed that this has been an error on the system. Please give me a minute to adjust your bill for the amount of $4.99. Your balance now is $149.25.

Me: I would like to argue that 149.25 does NOT equal 142.70 but I am a little tired by all of this... i'm sure you are too.

analyst J: I can process you the difference of $6.55 which will total the blance on your account to $142.70. Is there anything else that I can help you today?

UN-Fucking-Believable. You've been warned.

p.s. Turns out a lot of people on the web feel the same... just search for "comcast sucks" on google. This is probably my favorite: Comcast Blows

I recently caved in and bought a "real" camera. I own a Nikon SD850IS compact that's served it's purpose ever since my SD500 got stolen in St. Petersburg last year. After seeing my buddy Jacob graduate from a Nikon D80 to D300 I figured it's time to upgrade... and so I did. I am now the proud owner of my first DSLR the Nikon D60.

Now, I can't just post about my new camera and hobby and not show some photos I took... these are originals for the very first time on blog.a.lish, hope you enjoy them.

My other new hobby, drinking Orangina's

Weird woman in SoHo

p.s. If you want a copy, which is probably not likely I'd be more than happy to shoot you over the full scale image.

You've probably noticed that I haven't blogged in quite a while. The reasons I have are, of course, excuses. In any event I think I will be back soon... very soon... like next week soon. So going back to these excuses reasons, I have been studying hard for an certification exam in... wait for it.... Java 5... yup, went over to the dark side, the VERY dark side. Studying took up most of my free time and I'm glad to announce that I am officially Sun Certified (or in other words... nailed it).

I realize this post is kind of boring but I studied my ass off learning this vile language... just kidding it's ok. I actually work in the Java-sphere now and as such I assume I might have some Java tips and tricks to share with you .NET people... So to just leave you with a taste for more I figured I'd post something "interesting", enjoy.

We went out to dinner tonight at a fancy restaurant in the meat packing district of New York. As we were waiting for our food I noticed a very familiar face, I wasn't sure if it was who I thought it was but then I was assured it was in fact Glen Hansard (yeah I was a little surprised he had a wiki page too). I felt compelled to walk over and talk to Glen, turns out he's quite a nice guy. Anyway, I walked back to my table and my brother said "wouldn't it be funny if his girlfriend (wife?), Marketa, showed up too and they were seated next to us?" well... turns out that's exactly what happened. I am still a little shocked that Oscar winners actually sat next to us and that absolutely no one recognized them.

Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova in Once

I am a very big fan of the Academy award wining movie Once and of the soundtrack which I highly recommend.

I'm posting this from my newly installed Ubuntu instance. I've got to say it's pretty slick. I remember the days (mostly in college) where I used to install different versions of Linux (RedHat, Suze and others) and just hated every minute of trying to recompile the kernel to get my wireless card to work... it was a mess. Well, with very little effort (mainly due to help from You've been Haacked and Arcane Code) I am now able to play with Ubuntu 7.10 on my Vista box! The only issue I had was that the 64 bit iso didn't want to work on VPC 2007... which sucks... but I'll take what I got for now.

I've been playing with the curl command which is pretty powerful and I guess I should try to install the XGL + Compiz 3D Desktop and really work this bad boy. On a more .NET/C# note I'm going to install Mono and play around with it a little to get a feel for what they have and what they don't have... maybe this is a great 20% candidate.

p.s. On a completely separate note I just recently learned that the 3rd mouse button really comes in handy when using a tabbed browser, I don't understand how I missed this... read all about it here.